The Definition of a Mule

I required a mule to carry surveying instruments beyond the railway terminus at Norwick. The quartermaster supplied a form whose upper half, inherited from the army of Calder proper, classified mules as horses for purposes of transport; its lower half, preserved from the army of Harnwood, expressly excluded them from the horse establishment. I entered “mule” in both places. This produced a document upon which the quartermaster could authorise the issue of a horse and certify that no horse had been issued, though he assured me that signing it would constitute an irregularity. I asked which statement was irregular. He showed me the instructions, which required both.

The combined command had helped win the war against Sudermark, and I was prepared to allow its founders considerable latitude in the arrangement of their supply columns. Their descendants had enjoyed a century in which to reconcile the columns on this page. I therefore took the form to the district superintendent and proposed that he amend the heading to “transport stock”. He objected that a civilian could scarcely appreciate the military distinctions involved. Having served with the Royal Northern Expeditionary Corps, I could appreciate several, and invited him to explain this one. He eventually conceded that the distinction governed which account paid for fodder. This was useful information, obtained after forty minutes spent discussing the ancestry of the mule.

I secured my animal by attaching a memorandum stating its parentage, intended employment and daily ration, with a request that any remaining uncertainty be charged to the superintendent’s office. The quartermaster then showed me a drawer containing eleven substantially identical memoranda from teamsters. I had supposed my intervention ingenious. Their applications had been returned for insufficient authority; mine was accepted under the seal of the Royal Collegium. I have retained the duplicates, with their authors’ permission, for the superintendent’s promised review. He shall have some difficulty crediting the correction to me.